So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
