I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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