So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
