I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
