just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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