guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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