Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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