Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
