all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
