You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
