I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
