Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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