I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize