THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
