i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
