also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
