he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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