Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
