If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
