I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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