Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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