you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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