Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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