I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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