Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sponge bath it is.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
