i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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