it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
