You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
