i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
