escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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