If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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