seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
