Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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