Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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