At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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