just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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