i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
