We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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