What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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