I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
