Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
