idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
