apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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