My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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