Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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