Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
