he puts the penis in happiness.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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