I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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