Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
