rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
