its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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