I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
