i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
