i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
