How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
