I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
