i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
