You smell like a Billy Joel song
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
