So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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