Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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