Someone shit on the floor
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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