am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
