Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
