i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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