The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
