i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
