Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
