Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
