i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
