my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
