I hate your face
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
