can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
